Featured Carespondent
Featured Carespondent
Caregiver Stories
Mom's medications. Dad's appointments. A lab result. Hydration. Something I need to order or schedule. And somewhere among all those tabs are my career, my relationship, my friends, my health, and me.
Being an only child adds another layer. There isn't a sibling I can call and say, “Can you take Mom today?” or “Can you handle Dad's appointment?” The responsibility ultimately comes back to me.
I love my parents deeply and want them cared for well. But loving them doesn't mean pretending this isn't hard.
I can want to be there for them and still need time away.
I'm also learning that caregiver cannot become my entire identity.
For years, I probably let my career define too much of who I was. Now I have to be careful not to replace one identity with another. I'm a caregiver, but I'm also a daughter, a partner, a friend and a person who still has a life she wants to live.
If another caregiver, especially another only child, reads my story, I want them to know they don't have to pretend they're okay with every sacrifice. You can love the people you're caring for and acknowledge what caregiving has cost you.
I don't have a tidy ending because I'm still in it.
I'm learning how to be the daughter my parents need without disappearing in the process.
I describe the mental load as having 25 browser tabs open in my brain at once.
I can be grateful I'm able to care for them and still grieve some of the freedom I've lost.
For most of my adult life, work came first. I spent more than 15 years building a career in big tech. If I had described the order of my life then, it probably would have been Work, Life, Care.
Caregiving turned that upside down.
Today it's Care, Life, Work.
Not because I stopped caring about my career, but because caregiving doesn't wait until your calendar clears. Eventually, I realized I wasn't fitting caregiving around my life anymore. My life was fitting around caregiving.
One thing I wish someone had told me is that caregiving doesn't just take your time. It takes your spontaneity.
Dinner with friends, a weekend away or simply deciding to go somewhere for a few hours now requires a calculation. Who will be with Mom? Is Dad okay? Who will handle medications? What time do I need to be back?
Even when I leave, part of my brain stays home.
I didn't become a caregiver to one parent. I became an only child caring for two.
Like a lot of caregiving stories, mine started before I realized it had started.
There wasn't a day when someone handed me a new title and said, “You're the caregiver now.” My parents were getting older and needed more help, and as their only child, I naturally became the person who helped.
Then my mother's Alzheimer's changed everything.
Today, she has advanced Alzheimer's. She is mostly nonverbal, requires 24/7 supervision and needs assistance with nearly every aspect of daily living. At the same time, my 83-year-old dad has health and mobility needs of his own.
Misty McDaniel
FEATURED CARESPONDENT
I started caregiving for my mom when I was 20 years old, becoming her family caregiver without even realizing it.
Featured Carespondent
Most people do not wake up and decide they are going to become a caregiver. It happens in pieces.
Caregiver Wellbeing
